if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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