Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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