I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
