On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How naked do you want me to be?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
