I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
