If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize