If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
