You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
