My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
