Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
