you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
