i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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