oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
