i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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