tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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