i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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