You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
