yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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