Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
