Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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