Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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