I feel great
I just peed on a car
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
