I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
