Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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