yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
