sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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