she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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