I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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