she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
