also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
