Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
