you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
