i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
