You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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