I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
