There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm passing your future prison.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
