i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
