Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
