no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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