We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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