Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
