who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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