I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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