I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
