porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We need to rekindle our bromance
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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