i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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