I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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