you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
