Im at strip club and am horny
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
