The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
