I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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