She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
