It's Friday. Sex?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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