I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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