I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
