i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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