It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
