Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
