Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
