Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
