if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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