you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
