You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
