Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
